LIFE LATELY ‼️

This is the Testament of a Survivor!

Hello people of my Laive!

Long time, no letter, no vibes, no see, no chat. How have you been? It's great to be writing to you again and having discussions with you. I really miss having to share my thoughts and feelings with you. I know it's been a minute, but I also want to hear from you. Tell me everything you have been through. I definitely want to read and hear from you.

It feels like a month since I last wrote to you. I miss you too #winks I've had a roller coaster of a ride; various events has occurred and the most difficult part of writing this letter is deciding whether to share my deepest, darkest troubles or keep it light and fluffy. But for real, why are we here if not for the teas? I didn't write to you last week, so you must be wondering what I've been up to. This was not the commitment I made, so why didn't I post? I can explain.

Please bear with me as this might be a long, chaotic and unorganized read!!!

Photo by Niclas Gustafsson on Unsplash

March brought a lot of challenges. I've been struggling for my life, and at the start of March, I felt disconnected from everyone and everything, I felt like I was drifting. My emotions were all over the place; they were difficult to digest since I couldn't tell what I was experiencing, but fear was in the mix! I had an anxiety of the unknown. I was afraid to sleep in my room and close my eyes. My fear of the dark became more intense.

“Child of God, why are you afraid?” I know right, I couldn't explain either!

How did we get here??

You all know I've been job hunting for a long time, and despite rejections, I keep applying and reapplying. One thing this has taught me is to be resilient!

Rejection teaches persistence and motivates you to keep going for what you want and do your best.. I believe If it's not happening now, one day, one day, one will click.

On March 2nd, I attended another round of interviews, this time an online exam. I went to a CBT Center to complete this because I knew they have everything I needed. I arrived in time for the exam, but I was unable to access the website after logging in. I tried to remain patient, but a lot of questions were running through my mind. The officers attempted everything they could to make it work, but my enemies were working over time. I felt bad and I departed, determined not to break down on my way home. When I got home, my mother inquired, "How was it?"

My darling, The river ran, and I cried.

"Am I not trying" ? "Why is God not making anything happen?" "Am I not one of his special children?" "Why is he not answering me?"

"What am I not doing right?"

My parents let me rage and cry in their room, and then my father said, Are you done? He began telling his tale, encouraging me in the Lord, then he pulled out a book where he wrote everything that was said to him from God about me. Read some vital parts out to my hearing and explained them to me. God does not hate you. What He has for you is not the one you're looking for. You want this kind of Job what if that's not what God wants for you? Be patient and Stay in Him! If you understand what He wants of you and the reason for your existence, then all this struggle will be over. So cheer up and Stop Crying. Go to your shop! What is for you will come.

I'm Grateful For the gift of Family mhen!

You see, this could be you. You might be asking God a lot of questions: why are things not going smooth with you, why are you missing out on the blessings? Do you feel like God has neglected or abandoned you, or You believe that God chooses specific people to bless; even after you've fasted, prayed, and done everything you're meant to do, you haven't received your answers. The reality is, God has not forgotten you! Rejection letter after rejection letter does not indicate that God does not love you. He's building you! I know this for sure. The fact that it is not happening now indicates that it is not for you. He wants to instill patience in us via all of this. He wants to see if you will stay with Him regardless of the outcome of your prayers. He wants to make you a strong person. Patience is all you need!!!

"…At the right time, I, the Lord, will make it happen." Isaiah 60:22

I only need to be patient and build myself in the place of prayer. After crying, I carried my bag to my business place. Life goes on. If one does not work out, another one will!

Photo by Olga Kononenko on Unsplash

A few days later, I had a breakdown. I was fine one minute, but the next, I couldn't feel myself anymore. I became feverish at the store and I had to lock up; I returned home and was prescribed medication.

On March 9th, I was not feeling any better. They summoned our nurse; she came around fixed the drip, I had many IVs and injections. In less than 30mins I started feeling pains in my chest, I cried out please call my dad, I couldn't breath, I was at the verge of passing out…

I saw my mother and Bethel crying.

My mother said in Igbo, "God, please don't let my enemies laugh at me." She clung to me and begged me to please Stay with Her. I felt weak, but I could still sense what was going on. For the first time in my life and in this kind of ordeal, first time ever I saw fear in my dad's eyes but He still showed faith and prayed for me.

A few minutes after the struggle, I got myself. Thank God for praying parents. I acknowledge that surviving that ordeal is an accomplishment in itself, and I thank God for that. Good health is really underrated!

I assumed it would finish there; on Sunday, I was unable to attend church. March 10, Sunday afternoon, I experienced a seizure that rendered me speechless. I couldn't breathe well; my chest was burning. You're familiar with the sensation of having hiccups. What happened was similar to that, although it was not a hiccup. I was struggling to breathe. It lasted for hours till dark.

Bethel will gaze at me and pray for me. The next moment, she's crying. Why are you in tears? Because of you na, you are not breathing well, I want you to be fine. You will not die in Jesus'name.

That moment, I started crying too while reassuring her that I'm not leaving her, that I will be fine. Inside of me, I was begging God to help me scale through this one again! For the sake of my mom and daughter, I don't want to die. Please save me! I want all these to be over. #tears

10th March (exactly a month to my birthday): Devil failed again; y'all should tell him to stop already! Because it's always a failed battle, he can't and never will win, so he should give up.!!! Enough is enough.

I told my mom, Today is the 10th day of March. This time next month, I will be +1. She said I will celebrate my birthday and that nothing is happening, that the enemy has failed and I will celebrate.

I could tell she sensed my fears. I was so scared. 

My other siblings, as well as my pals, were unaware of the situation. Only a few people who came around. And, low-key, I didn't want anyone to see me in that state, I was avoiding visitors but you know how pastorage is na.. It is what it is!

But, overall, God saved me again!!!

I'm here, I got through it, I survived, and I'm alive!!! I'm recovering and regaining my footing again.

I've been getting a lot of calls and messages, and my phone has been set to mute. I recognized I don't have the strength to converse for lengthy periods of time; if I do, my chest aches and I feel pain, therefore I've avoided anything stressful. #sigh.

You know, during this period, different calls and messages has been coming in, some felt I was ignoring them, some felt maybe I've made it gan, some felt maybe I was angry at them for something.. Meanwhile I was literally fighting for my life! A friend has been calling and texting, and one day I saw, "I'm disappointed in you, bla bla bla," "To whom much is given, much is expected"! Wahala...

I felt heartbroken, though. Because if I am already talking to you or if I've chosen to be your friend, you matter soooo much to me. The fact that someone wasn't replying or texting back as usual might mean that the person is fighting for their lives. But no, we choose to judge! Mhen.. I feel everyone has to calm down, be seriously considerate during this period, and be kind. 

You're feeling bad because I didn't reach out. What if I was dead?

It's well.

At this point, I don’t know what I’m writing again #sigh (Forgive me if this letter isn’t properly structured)

I'm so eager to be fully on my feet. I want to be done with these heavy drugs; they are exhausting, honestly. I want to be able to speak for a long time again without getting exhausted or feeling pains. I want to be able to get to gist with my friends and sing out loud again. Yeah!! 

All in all, I'm grateful to be alive, and in a few weeks, I will be celebrating my birthday, guyzzzz!

The Devil wanted to un-alive me... Me?? Daughter of Zion! God forbid.

To all those who checked up on me, prayed for me, and reached out to me even when I couldn't reach out or answer my phone, to all those who didn't give up on me. Thank you so much! I really, really appreciate! I'm getting better and stronger as the day goes by!! Yeah .

Finally, remain prayerful! There are many seen and unseen battles going on around you, and only prayer can help you! PRAY OOO!

Take Care of Your body, Rest when necessary. “Work dey you come, work go dey you go”! Exercise, Eat health and Rest!!!

Choose joy and be compassionate to others! You do not know what they are going through. Be kind and compassionate with your words and actions!

Allow God's peace penetrate your mind, soul, and body. And remember that all of these struggles are not permanent.

Stay prayerful!

Spread Love; If you love someone let them know, you never can tell what will happen the next minute. Forgive that neighbor, hold no grudge. This is not our forever home. All of this is temporary!!

Remember Jesus is coming soon.

You are loved, kept, and you are His.

Till I write to you again!!

Xoxo

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

Love and light,

Fayvourebirth 

PS: don't forget to write back to me, I can't wait to hear from you.