For the Umpteenth time; I'm surrendering my life to God again 😩🤦🏻‍♀️

Please don't judge me...

Photo by Fa Barboza on Unsplash

This letter is coming in late because I didn't plan on writing to you this week; and my spirit hasn't been at peace for some reasons I don't understand. I don't know what power you are using on me but then it's very strong, because look at me writing letter on a Saturday morning. Mhen! Kudos to you 😩

Meanwhile I will send this letter immediately I finish writing so I can rest 😃😃

I'm curious so indulge me…

HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU SURRENDER YOUR LIFE TO CHRIST?

As for me, it was uncountable!! So this is it; I was constantly told as a child that I would go straight to hell for every time I sinned or disobeyed God. So, whenever I heard an altar call, I never hesitated to commit my life to Christ. I would feel so guilty, raise my hands, or rush to the altar to confess because I didn't want to go to hell. And  trust the preacher to stir up feelings that made me feel like I wasn't getting another chance. 

I surrendered at the next sermon and the one after that. Again and again. I eventually outgrew it and stopped. I stopped rushing to the altar at the first opportunity and became too humiliated to even approach God since I had always felt guilty, and at a point, it felt like I was joking. 

I started to criticize myself. I became too hard on myself. I thought I was saving myself from hell, but in reality, I was trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and fear. It became really hard to forgive myself and let go, and you know, forgiving others can feel much easier than forgiving ourselves. It's common for us to become mired in a web of our own emotions when we sense guilt. Instead of talking to God or another person about it, we start listening to our inner critics, who aren't always so understanding. Our inner critics make everything worse, actually. Those fellas. Sigh. 

This experience is not unique to me. Many of us struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy. We replay past mistakes, reliving the pain and regret. We may even use self-criticism as a motivator, thinking it will drive us to be better. But this approach only leads to more suffering. 

The Problem with Self-Criticism 

Self-criticism may seem like a harmless motivator, but it's a toxic cycle that can destroy our mental and emotional well-being. When we focus on our flaws and mistakes, we reinforce negative self-talk, eroding our self-worth and confidence. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and a deep-seated fear of failure. Moreover, self-criticism prevents us from learning from our mistakes. When we're too busy beating ourselves up, we miss the opportunity to reflect, grow, and improve. We become stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, unable to move forward.

So, how do we break free from this cycle? 

The answer lies in self-forgiveness. Forgiving ourselves is not about excusing our mistakes or justifying our behavior. It's about acknowledging our humanity, our imperfections, and our capacity for growth. When we forgive ourselves, we release the burden of guilt and shame. We create space for self-compassion, understanding, and kindness. We begin to see ourselves as God sees us: worthy, loved, and deserving of forgiveness. 

Forgiving ourselves is only half the battle. We must also learn to let go. Letting go means releasing the past, the mistakes, and the perceived shortcomings. It means surrendering our need for control and perfection. When we let go, we open ourselves up to new experiences, relationships, and opportunities. We create space for growth, learning, and exploration. We begin to live in the present, not burdened by the weight of our past.

 When we make mistakes and fall short, it is easy to feel guilty and to believe that God will abandon us. We let the devil lie to us about God being angry with us. We let ourselves wallow in pity and self-destruction. Angry at ourselves and afraid to look up to God.

Reminiscing about the recurrent giving-my-life-to-Christ childhood experience today, I realize that if I learned anything from it at all, it was that God was always willing to receive me. Whatever I was doing, wherever I was, or what sin I had committed, Yes, God is aware of every error I've made, and God still cares for me regardless, just like a loving parent does. 

For me, the journey of self-forgiveness and letting go was deeply rooted in my understanding of God's love. I realized that God's love is not conditional on my perfection but on His own character. He cares for me, not despite my errors, but because of who He is. This understanding transformed my life. I no longer saw God as a wrathful judge but as a loving Father, always willing to receive me, no matter what. I began to extend this same love and forgiveness to myself, and it set me free. 

Forgiving yourself and letting go is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and patience, but the rewards are immeasurable. When we forgive ourselves and let go, we break free from the chains of guilt and shame. We begin to live a life of freedom, joy, and purpose. 

Remember, you are worthy of love, care, and forgiveness—not because of your actions, but because of who God is. Extend this same love and forgiveness to yourself, and watch your life transform. 

I Hope this was helpful. Do well to share your thoughts and share this letter to someone. God bless you 🙏

Love,

Fayvourebirth 💖