EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER

Photo by Callum Skelton on Unsplash

I'm just going to be straight with you. Over the past few days, I've had a wave of different emotions, intense feelings that I don't understand, and sometimes I've felt nothing at all, which frankly has been even worse.

I don't feel too good, and whatever it is, it's sitting comfortably on my chest, refusing to let me breathe.

Sometimes I get the question, "How are you? It's not easy to answer the question when am being asked. I find that I hesitate at times. Do I give one of the accepted answers (fine, okay, not bad, great), or can I dare to speak my truth and say some of the mixed feelings that are inside me? Do they really want to hear it? 
Because how are you? It's almost like saying "Hello".

The phrase "How are you?" has become so empty and meaningless. 
What if we reserve that very special question for times when we have the time and emotional space to hear the entire answer that someone may have to give us?

When someone asks, "How are you doing?"

I can't be completely honest, because I also don't know how to express it.
It's tougher to convey when I know many others rely on me for strength, yet am I not human?
It's worse when the reason for this down moment isn't clear. 

I only tell a few people about these things, but I can't bring myself to talk to them anymore because I think they won't understand. People tend to find it difficult to hear about pain. I'm afraid of hurting others, so I don't wear my feelings on my sleeves, but how would it feel lighter when carried alone?

Would I cry on a regular day? Yes, I would, but I've found it difficult to cry, whatever it is out. I've been searching my soul, I don't have any reason to feel sad, but I am.

Though every day is different, and one day we may be miserable while the next we shine like a bright star, one thing I believe is most important is to smile before going to bed, clearing up any misunderstandings with everyone, because we never know whether we will live the next day. And when we wake up in the morning, we are grateful for each new day. Accepting new difficulties in life and overcoming unpleasant situations, being joyful or sad for various reasons, but yet hoping for something nice the next day.

Not every day is sunny; not every day is cloudy or stormy. This is exactly how my day goes.

Not every day feels nice, nor does every day feel horrible.
But I want to feel okay every day.

It's not 'faking it until I make it.'
For me, it's about pushing through and never giving up.

Today, if you were to ask me, "How are you?" 
Then I will answer, "I'm here."
I have my reasons to make it through.
Even on a day when my heart is torn, I will give thanks in this storm. 

Every day might be difficult, and we will never truly comprehend what another person is going through.
But,If we meet again, I might ask you how you are. I will wait if you need some time to respond. It's okay; I have time to listen..

So, my dearest, “How are you?” For real though #smiles